To Boycott or Not to Boycott...That is the Question

Well where to go after that last one.  If you are looking for the entry on the facts of Gay Marriage scroll down one entry.  I still haven’t fully embraced the blog technology…

In my quest for my next entry I have considered many topics but it’s been difficult to follow up the last one apparently.  This topic is one I considered on my own then was suggested to me and has a connection to my previous post so I guess I can’t ignore all the cosmic draw.  I also feel that this is a topic I had to think long and hard about myself the last few weeks and make many considerations on where I stand and how I feel.  It has forced me to think about my own realities and I suspect that is the only reason I would blog about anything.  So this blog entry is a little about boycotts in general and more specifically my feelings on the Chick-Fil-A issue at hand.

The first thing I would like to say as a general statement is that I do not personally believe boycotts work.  If you refer to history I think that they tend to only draw attention to the company and often backfire.  The problem with an actual boycott of a product or company is that MOST of the people who will actually stand by that boycott are usually either a very small group of activists and/or a bunch of people who do not ever and have not ever used said product.   Boycotts at their core are designed to put the hurt on a company financially and to destroy their public image.  Although I believe it is very easy to destroy the public’s image of a company it is more difficult to actually hurt them financially.

In concept, the boycott theory should work.  The reason I feel that they DON’T work is because most people are not willing to give up the things they enjoy long-term or even short term in a lot of cases when it comes to principles.  Take for example the ridiculous boycott of Disney by the Baptists.  Disney, love it or hate it, is a company that is engrained deeply in the hearts and lives of millions of people.  Disney products, parks, shows etc. are a huge part of most families’ daily lives.  I sort of laughed at the boycott picturing people standing up on their soap boxes talking about how they were going to boycott the hell out of Disney…until 3 months from now when they have their family vacation planned…then they are going to strap on the mouse ears and drop thousands of dollars like everyone else.  Most people are not willing to sacrifice their happiness and joy for principle. And the ones who are, are simply not enough to make a dent.  If you think boycotts work, ask yourself a few questions.  What was the last product you boycotted and how often BEFORE the boycott did you actually use that product?  How long were you able to stand by your boycott?  If you are answering that the product you boycotted was one you hardly used or even NEVER used, then your personal boycott of the product is more for show than for actual affect.  It is very easy to stand up against things when giving them up doesn’t really affect your life. For a boycott to work, money that goes to the company needs to be withheld in large sums.  If none of your money ever went to that company it isn’t going to affect their bottom line.  I used to know someone who never traveled anywhere ever and after 911, when the airline industry panicked over the possibility of people being afraid to fly, made the remark that SHE was not going to fly!  HELLO.  You don’t fly NOW!  You have NEVER flown.  It was the irrational fear of people who rarely if ever flew who were saying they would never fly again that were such a loud voice but common sense dictates that those people don’t really matter.  People like me who love to travel and find value in flight would not for a moment consider not flying again.  I understand that was not a boycott situation but it is comparable in that it was a situation where the people’s opinions and fears could have financially affected an entire industry…but didn’t in actuality.

I also believe that people’s degree of outrage varies in each situation.  For example if you ARE gay the Chick-fil-A boycott might be something that hits home with you very deeply.  The mere idea that putting one dollar down on the counter of a company where you feel even a penny of that money could go toward a fight to restrict your rights as a HUMAN BEING is a pretty big deal.  But to someone who just supports the cause and isn’t having to live it every day might not find it even a blip on their radar.  And I must preface everything that I am saying here with the fact in this particular case I feel your outrage and fully understand it. I do not want for one moment anyone feeling I am not being sympathetic to the cause (if you feel that way refer to the entry below this). I fully respect your right and choice to not patronize any company that doesn’t respect your human rights. I am sure that even the thought of going to Chick-fil-A again makes you sick and that is absolutely understandable. But choose to not go there for that reason, not because you think you might affect change in them.  You won’t. When it comes to enacting actual change there are different paths.  I am just saying I am not sure boycotts themselves are always the most effective way to use your time.

I am also not saying that boycotts do not serve a purpose.  They bring out into the open knowledge that people usually have a right to know so that they can base their financial choices on facts.   But I believe this can be accomplished without actually calling for a boycott. 

I think the problem with the Chick-Fil-A boycott, and where it went hideously wrong, was that people took it as an affront to their Christianity.  People who are religious tended to feel as if this was somehow an attack on their religion which was not the case.  And ironically they were steered to that conclusion by guess who?  Immediately the very people who had fallen into the media spotlight for their own bad behavior had pulled a switcheroo and had people rallying behind them on their “Christian” bandwagon.  I am convinced that many of the people who were seemingly siding with the owners of Chick-fil-A were only do so because they thought it was a way to blindly show their support for their religion and not because they genuinely believe in or even understand what they were fighting AGAINST.   I found it interesting that they were able to spin the media hype in their favor and completely deflect the actual subject at hand with their smoke and mirrors.  Although it’s often hard to get people to stand behind bigotry it is very easy to get people to rally for their religion. I believe sadly many of these people are misinformed and misguided.  No one is telling you that you can’t believe what you want.  They are only asking for the rights to be treated as equals in the eyes of the law.  They are not attacking your religion.  They are attacking the prejudice that is keeping them from their right to equality.  If you understood that you could go back to your silent bigotry and at least not invade people’s lives with it.

In that vein, there was a photo quote going around during the Chick-fil-A mess on FB that I simply must address.  It shows how the radical Christian front can use what on the surface SEEMS like they are good and kind, loving people but underneath reveals something very different.  This quote appears harmless enough and apparently made enough sense to some people to post it.  But it really sticks in my craw and is at the heart of what I think it wrong with how we are using social media and so I am going to address it here.  This is the quote “Our culture has accepted two huge lies: the first is that if you disagree with someone’s lifestyle you must fear or hate them.  The second is to love someone means you agree with everything that believe or do.  Both are nonsense.  You don’t have to compromise convictions to be compassionate.”  On the surface, that quote might seem like a no brainer.  It is obviously someone who thinks that they are defending their religious freedom against the barrage of accusations of veiled prejudice. But if you really analyze what it is saying you would be shocked at how hurtful this quote actually IS to people.  And I feel people stand behind general horseshit like this because it SOUNDS good to say but deep inside is just another way of shielding what you really believe behind a mask of fake kindness and false tolerance. I will break this down.  The first part refers to “lifestyle”.  Gays do not have a “lifestyle”.  I don’t have a heterosexual lifestyle.  The definition of “lifestyle” refers to attitudes, possessions and habits that one finds fashionable.  People are not gay because it’s fashionable.  It isn't an attitude or a habit.  It is who they are. That being said let’s just pretend the person who said this is ignorant of that.  The second part of that sentence refers to “hate” and “fear”.  I don’t believe people who actively take a stance against being gay are afraid in any way.  You aren’t afraid, you are just an ignorant, thoughtless jackass.  In regards to the “hate” reference in that sentence… I think that a lot of people who are against gay rights are not full of hatred, just ignorance.  (And I am using that term to reference a lack of knowledge not as a derogatory slur.)  Where I see hatred expressed is in people’s FB posts.  (which, by the way, is the most passive aggressive thing you can do…steal someone else’s quotes, not have the balls to have your own and then to post those hateful things to see how many people can agree with you with complete disregard for the people you are hurting... maybe because in your small mind you actually think that since you aren’t addressing them DIRECTLY it won’t be considered hateful.) To me if you don’t hate someone why do you feel the need to post negative things about them and their supposed “lifestyle”?  That sure as hell isn’t love!!  The second part of the quote “(the second lie)…to love someone means you agree with everything they believe or do” Obviously on the surface that is true.  Your friend might be addicted to crack but you could still love them.  Or your friend might be an uninformed, ignorant bigot but you might still try to love them.  The part of the sentence I take issue with is that again it refers to being gay in reference to “belief” and what they “do”.  It does not actively address that this is all and 100% about who a person IS…inside.  Being gay is not a BELIEF…like your religion.  It is not something someone chooses to DO like boating.  By the implication that it is, you degrade and belittle someone at the very core of their soul.  It is like asking them to change the color of their skin.   The last sentence…  “You don’t have to compromise convictions to be compassionate” again seems like common sense on the surface…using a lot of big words all together in one sentence.  No you do not have to compromise your convictions (i.e. your religious beliefs) to still be a compassionate person. In fact as your religion dictates your convictions should be directly connected to your compassion.  But I ask you…do you balance both of those?  Or do you try to force your convictions on others instead of seeking compassion?  If you posted a bunch of photos and quotes against the gays community on your FB page YOU ARE trying to force your convictions on others. (and before someone says I am doing the same thing by posting my support for the gay community.  I will refer you to the fact that I did not post one single photo or quote against Christianity and did not even deal with the entire Chick-fil-A mess until almost a week of watching all the hate posts at which point I posted MY OWN WORDS in DEFENSE of my FRIENDS) And as far as the compassionate part…if you have even ONE gay friend and you posted even ONE nasty derogatory post you are NOT being compassionate…even if that quote or post was DISGUISED as support for your religious beliefs.  I look at this sentence very differently when it exists outside the intention of the original quote…In fact it can be viewed in quite the opposite way.  I don’t feel I have to compromise one bit who I am spiritually to have compassion and love for my gay friends.  In fact I think that considering my gay friends equal and hoping for their equality in the eyes of the law fits very well with the equality MY GOD affords to ALL human beings. My convictions are intact and perfectly aligned with my compassion for equal treatment.  When someone posts political crap on FB and you don’t agree with it no one takes offense to it as an attack on who they are.  This situation is so different from that.  It is the equivalent of posting a quote or photo raving about the benefits of concentration camps for your Jewish friends to see or maybe something about how we should reinstate slavery for the viewing of all your black friends.  As abhorrent as that would be, it is EXACTLY what you are doing to a gay friend you supposedly care about when you go so far as to post such things in a public forum. You are saying someone is less than you. And you are saying it to the world.  Now I understand why this quote was written and I am not giving credence to who is claiming to have said it for the simple reason that I do graphics and I know how easy it is to write your own bullshit and slap it over the face of a celebrity simply to give it credibility. But it is obvious to me that it addresses in its simplest form what is at the heart of this Chick-fil-A issue for a lot of people.  People need to justify their own beliefs.  If the church is telling you that being gay is wrong and you believe that then fine.  But do you seriously need to be so vocal about it?  You can believe what you believe from the privacy of your own home.  But when you lay out hatred and bigotry over and over you have to know how hurtful your words and actions are to people you have professed to call friend.

Anyhoo…Where was I??  Got all side tracked…Oh yes the Boycott.  The issues I have with boycotts in general are numerous. If you dig deep enough into any company you will find an unsavory person or people who are giving money to a cause you don’t agree with.  But just like in the Chick-fil-A case there are a lot of businesses that are intertwined with Chick-fil-A that are indeed on the other side of the anti-gay fence.  Just like Chick-fil-A can’t limit its suppliers to only Christian bigots likewise it is next to impossible for each of us to limit our expenditures to only companies that support our beliefs. It is a delicate balance of choice we all have.  And we, each on our own, need to decide what is egregious enough to require our own personal boycotts. 

Another issue I have with the concept of a boycott is that it calls into question who is actually being hurt by said boycott.  There are the innocents.  The employees of the companies you choose to not patron.  For example, if the Disney boycott had worked at all (which is laughable…and Disney laughed all the way to the bank on that one…thanks Baptists!) it would have affected more than half the households of the people around me including my own.  The employees of a company are NOT the company.  Their beliefs are not always, if EVER, that of the owners or their bosses. (In fact I am throwing up a little in my mouth at the thought of that one on a personal level.)  But it isn’t just about the financial pain for these employees, it’s the emotional as well.  I knew Baptists that actually worked at Disney during the boycott.  How confusing is that?  How do you keep your job and your religion?  Luckily the people I knew were not stupid enough to buy into that boycott and even as religious people, had the common sense to ascertain that what their church was asking of them was absurd.  (Maybe more people should take note of that…just because the church says it doesn’t mean you have to actively agree with it) It is in the same vein that I do not believe that every Chick-fil-A, as independently owned, would all support the same beliefs as the heads of the company.  I also believe that there are gay employees at many of these locations.  I know, OMG!  Do I believe that there are owners who discriminate against hiring outwardly gay employees?  YES.  Absolutely there are but there are also ones who DON’T.  I suspect that same behavior goes on in many companies. As many of you know I was a huge Chick-fil-A girl. I can’t help it, I like chicken.  Long before any of this came out I was frequenting said Chicken restaurant numerous times a week…say in many cases 5 days a week (Don’t tell my diet).  I had gotten to know a lot of the employees there who always greet me with a smile and know my order.   I thought about them and how difficult it must be for them to even go to work with such a media frenzy occurring on their doorstep. 

But let’s just say for the sake of argument that everyone who works there is secretly in the same haters club…that when you apply you have to take a blood oath to hate gays. By not going there I feel like it almost gives them what they most love…a private world without gays…and lots of tasty tiny little chickens.  They win!  I think it’s so much better to make them uncomfortable.  To have to SERVE you.  To feel the oppressive heat of your existence on their doorstep.  To have to share their air with yours. I would imagine someone so repulsed by someone who is gay might be terribly uncomfortable to have to smile and be at your service.  To have to exist for that one moment with you face to face with their own hatred.  You can still go to Chick-fil-A and actively support companies that support gay rights and do it all while annoying the hell out of anyone who doesn’t like gays.  It’s a win/win. I’ll have a large coke boys…change is a comin’.

When all is said and done, I feel like we are wasting a lot of time on the chicken battle ground and to me focusing on what 2 ignorant wealthy jackasses do with their money is unproductive and ill managed.  Their minds will not be changed even if their business in some way did suffer. Where the real battle needs to be fought, and all our energy needs to be squarely focused, is on changing the law so that all the money these people have spent supporting hate groups will be wasted and their voices will fall into silent anonymity where they belong.

But not all is lost at the foot of the boycott.  I believe that this media storm of coverage has made people think about their own stance and its made people, maybe if for only a moment, stand up and be a voice…either for good or evil.  It has drawn unmistakable lines, sadly between friends but often they are lines that have opened all our eyes for a moment.  It has joined people together on a common battlefield. It has raised voices where there were none before.   It has weeded the garden for many of friends not worthy and it has strengthened and reaffirmed other friendships.  

After a good week of contemplating where I stood on this issue and really considering how I felt about my own personal return to Chick-Fil-A a decision had been made.  I sat outside like the Grinch staring down at who-ville ready to ruin the feast.  Watching car after car filled with happy Christians waiting for their tasty Jesus chicken.  I was not going to make my stand from far away or from the side lines of a protest anymore.   My opinion counts as much as theirs and in my usual loud, unrelenting style I pulled through the drive through, slaped a gay flag on my dashboard, cranked up the song “Uprising” on my radio and proceeded to make kissy faces at the cashier.  No Ok I didn’t do THAT…it was a guy…and I’m pretty sure he was gay.