Something I used to love about volunteering was that it
enabled me to see what I consider an ordinary life through the eyes of someone
who could appreciate every minute as something rare and gifted to them. It would remind me always for a brief moment
how precious and irretrievable moments could be. It was a time when I could stand, even for
only a brief time, outside myself and see the exact same things I found mundane
and regimented with new light and meaning.
I have recently had that experience with Christmas.
I think a cruel irony in life is that it is those who do not
have something or are missing and in need that often appreciate the slightest
glimmer of it. And what is most
interesting to me is that they are often things most of us who have them, don’t
really appreciate at all…until they are gone, mostly because we are focused on
things that are only distractions and don’t really matter in the end . Maybe
it’s the job you hate or the car you drive or the spouse who annoys you. But we
all forget those things could be gone so quickly and on the other side we would
be left wishing them back…faults, aggravations and all. I suspect that is how Christmas is for
me. When I was a child I remember the
holiday so vividly. I don’t know that
adult life could ever match that which is housed so nicely in my memory. I remember the lights and the party platters
and everyone dressed up. I remember how the air smelled crisp and cold outside
but the warmth inside the house against my skin. I remember the sounds of voices and the
Christmas carols playing on the record player (for those of you who don’t know
what THAT is…look it up!), the smells and the tastes of amazing nibbles all
around me (mom really knew how to serve up a spread). But most of all I remember family…aunts,
uncles, cousins, grandparents…all together in the same house. As a child you don’t even notice all the
petty bickering (although I suspect there was some of that!). You simply remember the good stuff. And as I grew I remember times with friends…going
to parties and church on Christmas Eve for the midnight service. For me the
holidays were this embrace of love from the people around me.
It had been a tragically long time since I had known that
feeling. I suspected as an adult it was
likely unattainable as adulthood carries with it so much baggage and knowledge
you don’t have (or can ignore) as a child.
But even in the glaring light of adult arguments and simple agitations
there is a light that Christmas brings with it that is unmatched in any other
season. Moving away from PA coupled with the jobs that both Jym and I have,
holidays got lost in the shuffle. Along
the way I stopped even having feelings for them except possibly slight
contempt. One or both of us was always
working. There were many years as of late I expected to be visited by 3
spirits. We stopped decorating and always
used the excuse of time but in the end seeing the lights and being alone was
even more depressing than just being alone. The 80 degrees never helped either. Then there
was the gift giving…the endless aggravation of pushing through crowds of rude
people to buy things for people who neither needed nor appreciated it and in
the end the financial stress of all of it carried on long AFTER the holidays
were over. It also didn’t help to watch
the endless marketing of Christmas living in a place like Orlando where the holidays begin before
Halloween is even over. For years I struggled in my heart and my head with the
concept of the holidays and what was missing for me.
The last few years my family decided to stop exchanging
gifts and start just enjoying our time together as our “gift” to each
other. It was truly the best decision we
could have made. The little scraps of
time I get with my family members have been so valuable to my heart. And each time I am able to step back, as if
outside myself and just breathe in the experience appreciating every moment. When
I look back over all my years of life and all the gifts I have been given there
are very few I can actually remember. I
think that is because physical gifts are just things we posses. They break and decay and are replaced. But time…time is something we share. Memories are something that we cherish and
keep safe inside our minds & hearts.
We hold those memories close in times when we need to be reminded of
what is precious to us. In the end it is all that really matters. If you don’t believe me try to think about
what YOU remember about your holidays past.
(If you can only remember the things and not the gentle deep connections
of those you love then I am truly sorry for you as a human being.)
This year I was treated to an extra special “gift” of time
when my whole family gathered together in Georgia for my brother’s graduation
in mid December. It is truly the only
time I remember ALL of my family being together at the same time and in the
same close proximity with ALL of us sitting around a table together. It was beyond what I imagined it could
be. I was blessed with one whole entire
day when we all talked and ate and laughed and reminisced. It was MY “Christmas”.
There is a reason the Grinch couldn’t steal Christmas from
Whoville. It’s because they knew that
the true spirit of the holiday is not about trees or gifts or lights or fancy
dinners. It’s about being together. And when you are gathered in love every day
can be Christmas if you just know how to appreciate it as such. So
this year my Christmas was celebrated a few weeks early, culminating in a tiny
movie theatre in Athens , Georgia
I hope all of you have had the blessing of the true gift of
Christmas…time with the ones you love.
